


Soulmate or Enemy

by luthien1



Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Tragedy, Blaming, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Guilt, Hate to Love, Lies, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-06
Updated: 2018-06-11
Packaged: 2019-01-30 11:00:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12652254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luthien1/pseuds/luthien1
Summary: Gabriel Lorca’s life started to fall apart long before the tragic events with the USS Buran. Two years before the catastrophic event, he lost the woman he loved to a cruel fate.When her twin sister is assigned to serve on the USS Discovery, the past came back to haunt him mercilessly.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> All characters except the original ones are property of the producers from Star Trek Discovery, the song quotes I used belong to Kamelot.
> 
> This is my first work here, please note that English is not my native language, which means that even if I am always doing my best it might not always be as perfect as I would wanted it to be.
> 
> Since Gabriel Lorca is my favourite character I was desperate to write something about him. I had this idea for quite a long time and now I am finally able to share it with you, I hope you enjoy it.

**Soulmate or Enemy**

**Prologue**

 

_Life is a Flower, fading away ___  


_We are not destined to stay ___  


_Love is forever, the spirit is free ___  


_Time is a borrowed Gift for you and me... ___  


**Kamelot – Silverthorn**

He still remembers, as if it was yesterday:

It has started as a routine Mission for the landing party of the USS Buran, lead by the ship’s captain, Gabriel Lorca himself. He was accompanied by five security officers and his most trusted lieutenant, Isobel Cortess. It was an open secret aboard his ship that the young lieutenant was not only his subordinate but also his lover.  
Starfleet regulations did not allow such relationships in general, but his crew held Isobel in high regards und liked her positive influence on their captain. That was why she always was his first choice when he had to assign members for a landing Party.  
This time, it should have been easy, simply beam down on the planet’s surface and arrest the traitors they had been hunting for months.  
But within an instant everything turned into a full catastrophe.  
The traitors had known that they were coming and had set up a trap. When they arrived on the planet’s surface everything was as the scanner readings had shown before, an old factory complex within a rocky landscape that looked like it was from Earth, 19th or 20th century. In hindsight the perfect setting for a trap. Investigating the area, they had found traces of human activity but when they entered the factory building itself all hell broke loose.  
In less than four minutes everything was over. The security officers all dead and the Captain and Isobel ended up as captives.  
The last thing he remembered before losing consciousness was Isobel’s voice screaming his name, then a sharp pain on the back of his head, which left him in utter darkness.

The next thing he realised was a throbbing pain in his head. Slowly he opened his eyes and tried to focus. As he became aware of his surroundings he also realised that his hands were bound behind his back and secured to a ring embedded in the floor. He was forced into a kneeling position, in front of him a scenario he only could imagine in his dire nightmares.  
Isobel’s hands were tied above her head, her Uniform was dirty and torn, her long raven hair tangled. Her bonds seemed to be the only thing that kept her upright. She was trying to get away from the men encircling her and spitting obscenities in her face, but the wall behind her made an escape impossible.  
“What a nice little plaything you are” said a bald man who was standing right in front of her and took her face in his hand to force her to look at him, his smile dirty and lustful pressing the helpless woman against the stone wall.  
In that moment Lorca got furious. “Take your dirty hands off her!“ he snarled at them, which got him their attention.  
“Well well the sleeping beauty is awake” said the blond man who was nearest to him and gave him a kick to the stomach. He let out a painful groan and fell forward. “We already feared you would sleep on and miss all the fun, Captain Lorca” the blond continued.  
“Stop playing with him! Jay, make sure he pays full attention.” Chuckled the bald one, who was still holding Isobel’s face in his hand.  
“Gabriel!” Isobel’s fearful voice brought his attention to her and to her alone. “Don’t worry Isobel everything is going to be alright, you will be save, they will find us” he tried to assure her.  
But their captors just laughed, “you should not make promises you never will be able to keep Lorca. You don’t want to disappoint the beautiful lady, do you?” They let out another sadistic laugh.  
The man they just called Jay cut him loose from the ring on the floor and howled him up, the ropes binding his Hands behind his back still in place. But that did not prevent him from lashing out against his captors. The man called Jay was caught off guard when Gabriel suddenly tackled him, his head hitting his captors face, with a paint cry and a bleeding nose he fell to the ground.  
The Captain wasted no time as he started to attack the others, but his tied hands made it difficult for him to defend himself. “Stop him!” yelled the bald one whom Gabriel assumed to be the leader of the group, the man was clearly surprised. The others encircled Lorca as though he were prey that refuses to go down easily and he clearly felt like it.  
_“Gabriel watch out!”_ Isobel’s scream was followed by a sound of something hitting something else and a painful grunt of a clearly male voice. He was so focused on the attackers in front of him that he had not noticed the leader who was just an arms length away from him sneaking up on him trying to bring him down with an iron rot he had retrieved from the messy ground of the abandoned factory building. Isobel hand had noticed this and her fear for Gabriel’s life had revived her fighting spirit. With all the strength she could muster she had kicked the bald leader in the back of his knees.  
“Arrrgh...damn whore!” The man backhanded her with a blow so hard that her head flew to the side and her lower lip cracked. “You will regret this” the man snarled and raised his Hand again.  
“No!” Gabriel yelled out but their captors seemed to regain the upper hand. It took four of them to overpower him, his desperate rage and the adrenalin running through his veins had given him extra strength, but in the end they were able to bring him down.  
“That was a really nice display Captain” said the leader and his tone was telling Gabriel that the term “captain” was meant as a mockery.  
One of his tormentors, Jay he realised, as he saw the still slightly bleeding nose coming into his line of sight, grabbed his hair brutally yanking his head in Isobel’s direction. “Well enough of the for play, I want you to watch Lorca, every second of everything we will do to her” the leader said with a cold sadistic voice. The Captain tried to break free again but with the strength of four men holding him down his actions were futile. “And if I don’t” he said challenging, refusing to play along with their sick game.  
He needed to buy himself time, time to safe Isobel and eventually himself.  
However, the man just laughed unsheathing a primitive knife. “In that case we will cut something out of her, every time you refuse to look. Starting with one of those beautiful, chocolate brown eyes!” To show that he would stay true to his words, he pressed the edge of the knife to the corner of Isobel’s left eye. She tried to show no fear, only Gabriel could see the slight tremble that was going through her body.  
“No” his voice sounded like a plea and he hated it but he had to keep her save, he could not imagine what he would do if anything would happen to her.  
“I see we finally understand each other, now relax and enjoy the show!” His words were followed by a cruel smirk as the man turned his attention back to Isobel.  
It was when he started to cut off her Uniform that Gabriel realised what the man, and most likely his companions too, was going to do to her. Judging by the fact that she had suddenly started to struggle again Isobel had too.  
“Stop that madness!” Gabriel yelled, starting to fight against his bonds again. “Your spirit is really inspiring captain, I think you deserve a chance so save her!” The bald leader gestured to the four men still holding Gabriel. “Cut him loose, I want to see if he is able to reach her before the four of you will take him down again.” Gabriel knew it was just another cruel game but he had to try for Isobel’s sake. As soon as they cut his hands loose he charged at the leader who was hiding behind Isobel his hands buried in her raven hair. He was trying to bring as much space between himself and his hunters as possible but their harsh treatment from earlier and the long time he had spent kneeling has done a number on him. Still he managed to reach Isobel just as he was trying to free her from the bald bastard the others reached him and struck him down. ‘No!’ he screamed in his head as they started kicking at him bringing him down to the ground again. She was so near he could almost touch her; he just needed to reach out for her. But he couldn’t, he was lying helpless on the ground, two of their captors were holding his legs down, one was kneeling on his back securing his Arms. “She is a Starfleet officer” Gabriel tried to reason with them, knowing the moment the words left his mouth how stupid he sounded. These men knew exactly who they were and it did not seem to matter so far, why should it now. Still the leader let out a barking laugh. “That fact did not stop you from fucking her didn’t it Lorca?”  
His gaze fell to the ground a guilty look on his face. It was true he had slept with Isobel, but she was his love, this was different. He met the eyes of their captor again, rage in his own.  
“Well guys look at this, he does not even deny it” the man’s words were followed by the laughter of his companions as he continued cutting down Isobel’s clothes until she wore nothing but her underwear. But not even this tiny bit of dignity did they intend to leave her.  
“I must admit, a beautiful woman” the leader said touching Isobel’s bare breasts as she tried to escape his hands in vain.  
“She is wasted on a Starfleet captain with a stick up his ass like you, Lorca!”  
Growling with rage Gabriel struggled against the hands holding him, but the only thing his actions earned him was another kick to his side this time. Hands grasped his scalp again forcing him to watch helplessly as the leader undid his trousers. “Stop that, please!” he tried again but when the men just ignored him he turned his attention to Isobel, knowing that he had failed her, knowing that he could not spare her from what was about to happen. “Isobel look at me” he plead with her, “Eyes on me just look at me I am with you!” He knew it was not nearly enough but it was the only thing he could do. “Gabriel” she whimpered tears in her beautiful brown eyes.  
When the first man raped her, Gabriel Lorca thought he was going to die. Being forced to watch this was far worse that every torture he could imagine. He could hear her pained screams, see her cry and beg her tormentor to stop.  
When the first one was finished she collapsed being held upright only by her bonds, her eyes were still on him he did not dare to look away, fearing they would hurt her even more as they already did if that was even possible.  
Bruises began to shape on here naked body and she was bleeding, the man had gone anything else than easy on her.  
When the next one took the place of his leader Isobel cried out in pain, her wide fearful eyes were on her Captain. “Please look away Gabriel I don’t want you to remember me like this” she begged him but he refused to give her up.  
It should go on for what felt like hours, but Gabriel had long lost track of time and he did not care anyway. He watched as the fire he had loved so much left Isobel’s eyes and he knew it was his fault. They had clearly known that she was his love, he had brought this upon her. They were doing this to hurt him and it worked.  
Back then he had been to consumed by the fear about Isobel so that he had not questioned the fact that simple traitors to Starfleet that he was coincidentally send to hunt, would know so much about him and how they could hurt him.  
When the last one was finished, Isobel was barely conscious, at least she looked like she was. “Did you enjoy the show?” asked the leader addressing him directly the first time since they started that sadistic game.  
“You bastards” the captain growled fighting hopelessly against the hands holding him pure rage and desperation running through his body. Their captors only laughed as one of them cut Isobel loose, watching amused as she fell to the ground with a pained cry.  
However, the laughing suddenly died out as the noises of phasers being fired could be heard. Two of their captors dropped dead immediately, another who was holding Gabriel down got shot in the Arm. He immediately let go of him.  
In an instant, there was chaos, the remaining men who were securing the captain on the ground let him go and ran away. Most of their companions did the same, but not their leader.  
Gabriel tried to get to him but he was not fast enough. The bald man yanked Isobel to her feet and held her in front of him looking at the captain with these cruel eyes. “My name is Javier, Lorca. You clearly loved here, I want you to never forget that it was me” with this he buried his knife in Isobel’s stomach, dropped her and ran off.  
_“No!”_ Gabriel’s own voice sounded so inhuman like not from this world. He caught Isobel in his arms before she could hit the ground, barley noticing the rescue party his ship had sent chasing after their captors. “Isobel it’s over you’re save now” he said tears forming in his eyes.  
“I... l...love you” she said weakly reaching for his face, resting the palm of her hand against his cheek. “Stop that! You will be alright this is not a farewell” he harshly demanded the tears now running freely down his face.  
“Oh it is Gabriel, I am going to die I can feel it” she said a sad smile on her face.  
He stubbornly shook his head “no I won’t allow it.”  
“There is n...nothing you c...can do my love, let me go” she replied her breathing laboured, also having tears in her eyes.  
“I can’t” he said lovingly brushing the tears from her face. “Isobel how am I supposed to...” but she cut him off. “I want you to k...keep fighting” she said, “promise me Gabriel!”  
With the last strength she could muster she reached out for him to kiss him one last time. The kiss felt bitter sweet to Gabriel, while kissing her he could feel her body going limp in his arms, she was gone.

He did not know how long he had been kneeling there, holding the dead body of the woman he loved in his arms and it took him another moment to realise that the leader of the rescue party was talking to him.  
“What” he said looking up to the man towering over him.  
“I asked if everything is alright with you Captain. Are you hurt?” Gabriel had to suppress the urge to hit the man for that stupid question, nothing was alright, but instead he said “I am fine.”  
“Lieutenant Cortess” the man continued to ask but Gabriel only shook his head. “What happened here Captain?” the man demanded to know but there was no way he would allow for his crew to remember Isobel as a victim of a violent act.  
He fought off a female officer who was trying to tend to him and snatched the rescue blanked she was trying to lay over him from her, to wrap Isobel’s body in it.  
Then he wiped the tears from his face and stood up, still holding Isobel in his arms, refusing to let go of her even if his head was swaying.  
His face a mask of stone cold determination now, leaving no doubt that he would allow no objections in what he was going to say next:

“Lieutenant Cortess saved my life, she died a Hero.”

_“What was summer like for you” she asked him with a smile ___  


_“What’s tomorrow without you” he silently replied... ___  


__  


_**Kamelot - Love you to Death** _


	2. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there, I am so sorry that it took me so long to get this chapter out, I had intended to publish it before Christmas but well life got in the way. But now I am finally done and really hope you will enjoy it. Thank you for your reactions I really appreciate that.
> 
> And now have fun with the new chapter
> 
> Luthien

**Chapter 1**

 

_Give me a Sign,_  


_Sing the words of Innocence and broken Pride_

_Make my conclusions fail,_  


_Cause each Night I die in Hell..._  


**Kamelot – My Confession**

_____ _

____

He still can feel it, her body going limp in his arms, her lips so cold to his, her eyes once so full of life suddenly dead and lifeless. With Isobel had died a part of himself, but fate was not done with him yet.  
He thought he would know loss and how it feels to be utterly helpless, but little did he know:  
As the Buran went down, taking the lives of his crew with her he knew he was doomed. And again it was him who had failed them all.  
After they were ambushed by the Klingons, he was forced to make the hardest decision of his life, and he made it.  
Rather than letting his crew be tortured to death he blew them up, all of them, the entire ship. He was the only survivor and he still feels shame for being alive, if he had died with them he could have at least seen Isobel again, even if she would have surly been ashamed of him, well almost certainly not. Isobel had always seen the best in people and was able to bring it forth; otherwise she would not have fallen for an old man like him in the first place.  
Isobel, for almost two years he had not known why she had to die, but he had gotten the answer to this question the day the Buran went down, in the shape an all to familiar face and that was the moment he had realised that he must live, at least for a while. Still, he had let his crew down as he had let her down, he was not able to save either of them and he would carry that burden for the rest of his life.

Captain Gabriel Lorca was standing in his quarters on the USS Discovery, the ship he was Captain of for almost six months now.  
The lights were down to relive his eyes which were damaged since the Buran, a constant reminder of his failure. He refused to get them fixed; afraid he might forget what his actions had brought upon those he had sworn to protect.  
He had his back to the room, staring out into the vast eternity of space. He could still not believe that he was really able to pass all the tests to be cleared for duty again. He knew what many people in Starfleet thought of him, and what they were whispering behind his back, but he ignored them. He knew damn well that they were right and probably, in his current state, he was not able to captain a star ship, but what else should he do? He was a soldier, Starfleet was his life, he had literally given everything to them, he just could not lose the least thing that was left of him.  
In the two years after her death he had suppressed his thoughts and feelings for Isobel, had tried to ignore the nightmares hunting him at night, showing him how she had died, and it almost worked. He had not only fooled the world but almost himself too.  
As far as Starfleet and the Rest of the Federation was concerned, Isobel Cortess had died a hero, he had faked the Records, told anyone she had died while saving his life and he had made sure that the few who knew the truth had remained silent, he would not allow that her memory would be tarnished and by doing so he had also suppressed the nightmares.  
However after the Buran everything came back to him, and more. Now he had not only failed his Lieutenant, the woman he had loved; now he had lost his entire crew, his ship and it was all on him. ‘No! It has to end’ he thought bitterly, the federation needed to win, this war needed to end and he had to be the one who ends it. He owed it to his dead crew, to Isobel and eventually to himself.  
_“Captain, incoming transmission from Admiral Cornwell.”_ The voice of his First Officer, from the Com shook him out of his thoughts. “Transfer it to my quarters, Mr Saru” he answered wondering what she might want from him, it was night after all.

“Kat, to what do I own that honour at such an unusual time?” He asked when the hologram of his former lover from academy times appeared before him slightly lightening the room up.  
“Cut that Gabriel we both know you were not sleeping and neither have I” she replied coming straight to the point.  
“Well then Admiral, what can I do for you” he mocked his dark thought from a few minutes prior pushed aside, she must not see that he had beaten himself up again, it was too dangerous.  
“The question is what can I do for you” she exclaimed.  
Gabriel lifted an Eyebrow at that statement, “what do you mean” he asked suspicious.  
“I intend to add another member to your crew.”  
“What?!”  
Her hologram flickered a bit she was looking straight at him no hint in her expression that she might be joking, she was not.  
Gabriel began to pace around his quarters, “Who? And to what purpose?” He finally asked, still eyeing her suspiciously.  
“From now on Lieutenant Cortess will be part of Discovery’s crew” she stated, just dropping the bomb as if it were nothing.  
Gabriel’s heart skipped a beat when he heard that name, a tiny spark of irrational hope gleaming inside of him, but it extinguished as he realised she was speaking of Isobel’s twin sister. Deep inside he cursed himself for allowing himself such foolish thoughts; it was him who saw her die after all.  
He felt like a cold hand clawed at his heart, no, he would not allow this. “Absolutely not!” He all but yelled and Katrina was surprised by his strong reaction.  
“I fear that is not your decision to make” she replied.  
“I am the Captain” he said angrily.  
“Yes but we are at war Gabriel, we need every capable officer on the post he or she is most suited for.”  
He could tell that the Admiral began to get angry now but he just got started. “And what about her? Doesn’t she have a say in all that? As far as I know did the admiralty try to get her aboard my ship at least five times in the last six months and she always refused.”  
“Three times and yes she did” Katrina corrected him. “Before you say anything further” she cut him off before he could go on “it is not her choice to make either, not anymore.”  
The corner of his mouth twitched slightly, “and how do you intend of getting her here, I am pretty sure her refusal has to do with me there is no way...”  
“We ordered her” Katrina interrupted him dryly and her tone told him that she was not joking at all. “You what?”  
“We ordered her to serve aboard the Discovery she cannot disobey without committing treason.”  
“Don’t you think that is a bit drastic? I don’t want anyone aboard my ship who does not want to be there.” Gabriel said not at all pleased with the outcome of that conversation.  
“As I said it’s not your decision to make, we will send her with the next shuttle, you will await her and that is the last thing I have to say about this matter.” With this she ended the transmission, her hologram disappeared and the room went dark again.  
Once again Gabriel was left alone with his thoughts, he sighed ‘this is not going to end well!’ 

~*~

Katrina Cornwell let out the breath she was not realising she was holding until now. ‘That went surprisingly well’ she thought to herself. She had expected Gabriel would put up much more of a fight against the assignment of Cortess aboard the Discovery. He was absolutely not pleased with the admiralties decision that much she could tell, but he had remained surprisingly calm during their conversation. However she would deal with Gabriel Lorca later if he should decide to make trouble regarding Cortess being a member of his crew, now she had more pressing matters to deal with, the hard part of this whole issue.  
While she was striding along a semi dark corridor at the training centre of Starfleet Academy, she thought about the fact that she had not told Gabriel the whole truth.  
While it was already sealed that Lieutenant Cortess would serve aboard the USS Discovery, it was now incumbent to inform the young woman of Starfleet’s orders. And she knew exactly where she could find her at this late hour.  
The Admiral had never understood the Lieutenants motives. She was one of Starfleet’s most promising officers, but instead of serving aboard a star ship and rising up in the chain of command, she preferred to stay at the academy to teach cadets. ‘It might have something to do with the fact that the admiralty wants her aboard the Discovery at any cost, maybe Gabriel is right and her refusal really has something to do with him.’  
Even outside the gym Katrina could hear the noises of whatever training simulation the Lieutenant was running. And regardless of the fact that she was aware of what would await her, when the Admiral was opening the door she was still surprised of the picture in front of her.  
A young woman clad in training gear was standing in the middle of the only half lighted room. Her long raven black hair was loosely bound into a ponytail. She was moving fast, fending of moving holographic targets with two short blades and from what Katrina can tell she was damn good at it. Since she lacked any better option and due to the fact that the young woman would most certainly be pissed no matter what Katrina might do or say, she clapped her hands in approval to get the Lieutenant’s attention.

“Computer, stop simulation” Cortess ordered as she turned into Katrina’s direction with a fluent movement. “  
Admiral Cornwell to what do I owe you presence at this late hour?” she said a suspicious tone in her voice.  
Katrina rolled her eyes at the greeting but remained stoic otherwise. “Good evening Lieutenant, I am here to inform you about your new assignment” she said totally cutting the small talk.  
“My new assignment?” the suspicion in the other woman’s voice only grew. “I did not receive a memo that my position in Starfleet is to be discussed.” Only now she was setting the two blades she was still holding, aside.  
Katrina strode over to the panel to set the lighting in the gym a little brighter, she could not understand how Cortess had managed to train in here.  
She looked over to the woman who was now regarding her careful. “That is because it was a secret decision” she answered and now the Lieutenant was starting to move again.  
“A secret decision?” she asked sounding almost angry, while slowly approaching Katrina.  
“Yes Lieutenant, you are herby assigned to serve aboard the USS Discovery.”  
Immediately the whole room fell silent, the Lieutenant had frozen on the spot and was staring disbelievingly at the Admiral in front of her. “Absolutely not” she snapped as she tried to digest the shock from what she just heard.  
“Forgive me Admiral with my due respect, I do not wish to serve aboard the Discovery. I have told the admiralty many times and I thought I had made myself clear.”  
“You did” Katrina replied slowly running out of patience. “We tried to get you aboard this damn ship before and you refused us three times...”  
“Five” Cortess corrected her catching the Admiral of guard with this, “I refused you five times before and I will do so now.”  
“No, you won’t.” Katrina’s voice was cold as ice as she said in a commanding tone “because this time it is not an offer. It is a direct order Lieutenant; it is not your choice anymore.”  
“You force me...” the young woman said disbelievingly.  
“You leave me no choice, Muriel, we are at war and you are a talented officer. You should be proud.” “Proud? Let me tell you something Admiral!” She spit the words in Katrina’s face now clearly angry and upset. “My twin sister served aboard the USS Buran and she was proud of it, we all were proud of her and what had it gotten her? Where is she now?” Now she was almost yelling and as much as Katrina could understand her she would not let her get away with it.  
“Watch your tone, Lieutenant you are still speaking to a Star Fleet Admiral, I am sorry for the loss of your sister. She was hero...”  
“Save that crap, Admiral” Muriel said bitterly “if it was not for that coward you still call a Captain my sister would still be alive!”  
It was that moment when Katrina realised that arguing was pointless, she had to rain in this woman now. “Careful now Lieutenant, this “coward” is from now on your commanding officer. The shuttle that will transfer you to Discovery will start in the morning. I would suggest you get some sleep now.” she said in her coldest Admiral’s voice.  
“Yes Ma’am” Muriel said, her face like a stony mask.  
“Dismissed” Katrina said and the young Lieutenant strode past her clearly anything else than pleased with the situation. She sighed, that went not well at all but at least the admiralty got what they wanted.

~*~

Accompanied by his First Officer Saru and Lieutenant Staments, Captain Gabriel Lorca waited at Discovery’s shuttle bay for his new crewmember to arrive.  
His feelings were of a mixed nature therefore he totally ignored Lieutenant Staments constantly bragging on the fact that Lieutenant Cortess’ natural field of expertise lied in alien languages and therefore she would be utterly wrong in the science department.  
Gabriel had seen Muriel Cortess once a long time ago. Back then he had delivered the message of Isobel’s death to her family and therefore had given them nothing but grief. He could still remember the reaction of Isobel’s twin sister when he had entered the room.  
“I have to tell you something about your daughter Isobel” he had said but did not get any farther. Because in the same moment Muriel had risen from her seat and looked directly into his eyes, “she is dead, isn’t she!” It was not really a question, more a statement; she had already known it but how?  
He could not remember what had happened next, he was just so dashed in by the fact that she looked so exactly like the woman he loved, but he could tell from Muriel’s body language that she did not want his presence and that she did not trust him with her parents so he had fled the house.  
He had not seen her since that day but had heard from others that she blamed him for Isobel’s death and he could not blame her for doing so. She was a talented officer and since Discovery was Starfleet’s flagship now it was only natural for the admiralty to want her aboard his ship and Gabriel was sure that he was the only reason she had refused until now.  
Avoiding her was easy up to now; he had not only done it for his sake but for hers as well.  
However, now everything was different, now he was her superior officer and no matter how much he doubted it, a tiny spark inside him hoped that he would get the chance to do better this time and maybe one day, even if he didn’t deserve it, earn something close to her forgiveness.  
He was dragged out of his thoughts when Saru informed him that the shuttle was about to arrive.

When the shuttle finally dogged, he realised that he was starting to get a tiny bit nervous, not visible to others but he could still feel it.  
As the doors opened to reveal the passengers inside, Gabriel’s heart skipped a beat.  
She was the striking image of her twin sister, long raven black locks which fell over her shoulder to make perfect contrast to her blue and gold uniform. Her delicate stature might tempt unobservant watchers to consider her weak, but what he had learned from her files and his crewmembers that had known her back at the academy told another story.  
She looked so much like Isobel that it almost hurt Gabriel to look at her.  
Almost, because they were not totally alike, were Isobel’s eyes were brown like warm chocolate, Muriel’s were blue with tiny shades of grey. ‘Here eyes are like the eyes of a wolf” he thought as she stared at him unmoving.  
He started to approach her, “welcome aboard the Discovery, Lieutenant” he said now realising that she was staring not blankly at him.  
Her eyes were narrowed just a bit as she eyed him suspiciously staring into his eyes with pure repulsion.  
Her voice was colder as ice as she gave a small nod and finally opened her mouth.

“Captain.”


	3. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys! I am so sorry, I know I said I would be faster this time and again it took me ages to complete this chapter, but like always I had good intentions and life just got in the way.  
> However, finally I managed to finish it in a way that even my inner perfectionist is at least half satisfied with it.  
> This time we will finally get deeper into the personality of the characters and I hope that even after the long time I kept you waiting you can still enjoy it.  
> I would really love to hear you opinion on this chapter so feel free to tell me.
> 
> So what else is left to say than simply enjoy reading.
> 
> Luthien

  
**Chapter 2**  


 

_There’s a Shadow in the cold white light of day  
I hope that some Day you forgive and set me free..._

_I’m sorry but I can’t stop the bleeding,_   
_Crying and it’s all because of you...  
_

_  
___  


**Kamelot – Song for Jolee**

“Captain!”  
She could hear herself saying this one word with so much malice she did not know she was capable of. Just looking at him was almost unbearable. So many feelings fought inside of her that it seemed impossible for Muriel to decide what to feel at all.  
There was wrath and anger inside her paired with sadness that was clear, but there was something else, something she could not grasp. She was so focused on the fact that she was finally seeing him again, that she almost missed the fact that he was addressing her again.  
“This is Mr Saru, my first Officer, and I believe you already knew Lieutenant Staments” Captain Lorca said his voice not betraying how he might feel about that situation.  
Muriel was grateful about that; him introducing Staments gave her the opportunity to shift her attention from him to the Lieutenant. “Of course, we were together at the Academy for some time, I always admired his intellect. I presume you have fared well so far, Lieutenant Staments?” she said shaking the Lieutenants outstretched hand.  
Staments who was a bit irritate about how the woman seemed to completely trying to ignore Lorca’s presence, not that he could blame her but still responded with a nod.  
“I did Lieutenant, well as far as one can during war times, but you’re too modest, as far as I can recall your intellect was not bad either, and of course your sisters’.” As soon as the words had left his mouth Staments wanted to slap himself, he could hear the Captain drawing a sharp breath next to him; and Cortess’ head slightly snapping upward. “Oh I am so sorry Lieutenant I did not want to bring back painful memories” he tried to save the situation.  
‘Staments you idiot’ Gabriel thought ‘if she had not already thought about what had happened just by seeing me she absolutely will now!’ He felt like he was on trial, all the guilt and despair he had buried deep inside his heart washing over him again. He was dragged out of his thoughts as he heard Staments continuing his apologies.  
But this time the Lieutenant was cut short by Muriel. “It is okay Lieutenant Staments I take no offence.” She said. “On the contrary, if there were more officers like you, just doing their job my sister might be still alive!” She had laid a sharp emphasis to the least few words giving Gabriel a brief look from the corner of her eyes, brief enough that only he could see it and it did not miss to hit right into his heart. He knew that he needed to put a halt to this and fast. “Very well” he interjected gaining the full attention of all three crew members. “You must be tired from the shuttle ride Lieutenant Cortess, Commander Saru will show you around the ship and then escort you to your quarters, your duty will start tomorrow.” He said all but fleeing the scene not noticing the strange looks he was given by Commander Saru and Lieutenant Staments.  
Muriel on the other hand could not suppress a small satisfied smile, she knew that she had hurt him and that had been exactly her intention, she was not going to go easy on him.  
“Please follow me Lieutenant” she could hear Commander Saru’s voice next to her.  
Taking his outstretched hand to greet him she said “of course Commander, Lieutenant Staments I am looking forward to work with you.”

She had followed Commander Saru around the ship and had listen to his remarks about the ship’s techniques and what it was capable of. Of course she had been briefed by the Admiralty beforehand, but she could not deny that she was impressed. If Lorca had not been the Captain of this ship she could actually imagine herself being proud about being part of this crew, but he was the Captain and she would never forgive him what he had done. But she could not deny the fact that she liked the ship; Discovery was very new and very advanced. It was not the first space ship she had set food on but the most advanced by far. The lighting was a bit dark perhaps but this was not a big surprise to her she had read about Lorca’s condition.  
She was about to unpack her belongings when the door to her quarter chimed. “Enter” she said not looking up from what she was doing. The door opened and soon after she could hear someone clearing his throat behind her. When she turned around she could see a woman she had never seen before standing in her quarters surveying her from head to toe.  
“If this is what she looked like I cannot understand why he liked her so much” Muriel could hear the other female half muttering to herself.  
The woman was a little bit taller than she was, had tanned skin and black hair. She was probably also a few years older than herself. “What!?” Muriel said in a sharp tone leaving no doubt that she had understood what the other had said immediately not liking the woman opposite of her. “Nothing of importance” the stranger said making it clear visible to Muriel that she had only half intended for her to hear it.  
“I am Commander Landry” the other woman said, “I am Chief of Security aboard this ship.”  
“Good for you” Muriel replied already being annoyed by the woman’s behaviour.  
“Is there something you want Commander? Otherwise I would appreciate you leaving me alone, it was a long day and I am tired.” It was not exactly true, yes it had been a long day but there were so many thoughts in her head that she would not be able to sleep any time soon, she just wanted to be rid of that annoying woman.  
“There is something indeed” Landry said continuing on checking Muriel’s body language. “Captain Lorca wants me to remind you, that since you will be working in the science department you are wearing the wrong uniform and might want to change it.”  
In an instant fury was rising in Muriel’s belly, ‘this coward!’ she thought. She turned fully around so she could face Landry completely. A sweet smile on her face she said, “tell Captain Lorca if he wants something changed he should come and tell me himself.” “But...” Landry was about to go on but Muriel interrupted her. “Good day Commander!” She needed this woman gone or she would say something she would definitely regret, her position aboard the Discovery was difficult enough without her making an enemy of the Chief of Security. To her relief Landry had taken the hint and left. Muriel continued to unpack her things brooding about how it would be from now on.

~*~

Gabriel paced around in his ready room his mood was not particularly good when the day started, and it continued to worsen by any second. ‘How the hell is this ever going to work’ he asked himself over and over again, but it was impossible to find an answer. He had seen the repulsion in Muriel’s eyes from the first second she had laid eyes on him and it had shattered all his hopes of redemption. She would never forgive him and why should she; after all he was responsible for the death of her beloved sister. He could not even forgive himself for what had happened all that years ago and sometimes he even thought that he had deserved everything that had happened to him since then. 

He looked down to his right hand which was holding a silver necklace, its pendant was broken in half but it must have been a tree once. It had belonged to Isobel and had been the only piece of her belongings he had not given back to her family after her death. Normally he was not a sentimental person but with her it had always been different; he wanted something that would remind him of her. Totally idiotic in his opinion, as if he could ever forget her, never.

The door swinging open and a visible angry Landry bursting in dragged him out of his dire thoughts. “She will be trouble!” The woman announced but was cut off by her Captain.  
“Doors have bells for a reason. Commander.” Gabriel said with a strident voice.  
Landry was taken aback, she had not expected the Captain to snap at her just because she forgot to announce herself, and he had not been bothered by that in the past after all.  
“I am sorry Captain it won’t happen again” she tried to save the situation and luckily her superior did not seem in the mood of scolding her any further.  
“Who will be trouble?” He finally asked sounding less then interested in what she had to say, but Landry was determined to change that.  
“Lieutenant Cortess!” She exclaimed “she will be nothing but trouble, my recent talk with her proved that!”  
Gabriel who was about to ignore the bragging of his Chief of Security found his attention quickly drawn to her.  
“You spoke to her” he asked in disbelieve, alarm bells ringing in his head. Landry was not known for her diplomacy and Muriel’s current mood made him sure that the situation must have escalated. “Why would you...” he started but Landry, who’s voice was full of fury did not notice that she had just interrupted her Captain, continued: “I paid her a visit because I hoped I could save you the trouble of telling her that she was wearing the wrong uniform for the work in the science department.”  
Now it was Gabriel’s turn to get angry, but not over Muriel’s behaviour. ‘Foolish woman what were you thinking? You might have ruined any chance for this whole misery to ever work out’ he thought furiously. “Are you out of your mind Commander?” He asked trying not to lose it in front of his subordinate who had up to this point always done a good job.  
“I thought...” Landry began her confidence starting to quiver, but the Captain cut her off.  
“That was your problem Commander you were not thinking” he said visibly upset now. “Cortess is not a science officer” he continued “she is a liaison officer who is working together with the science department. She does not work under Staments but with him, therefore she is wearing the correct uniform.”

Landry felt totally dumbstruck by that revelation, never before in her life she had embarrassed herself more in front of her Captain. “I did not know that” she tried to save the situation but Lorca did not want to hear any of this.  
“You would have received that information tomorrow, when Lieutenant Cortess would pick up her duties, like the rest of the crew” he said as he was about to leave his ready room.  
“Where are you going Captain?” She asked.  
Lorca just rolled his eyes in annoyance. “Trying to solve the mess you have most likely manoeuvred us in!” He said as he finally left, leaving a total baffled Landry.

~*~

Muriel was standing on the small window her quarters provided, gazing out at the vast eternity of space not paying much attention to what she was seeing. It was as she had predicted it, her thoughts were so occupied by the past and the things which were about to come, that it was impossible for her to find sleep. At first she had paced around the room finding it soon to be a pointless activity, then she had resumed to overlooking her belongings. Soon her eyes had caught something she had not seen or held in hand since the funereal of her beloved twin sister.  
It was her necklace, the one with the broken pendant. It had once belonged to her and Isobel’s grandmother and had been a tree of life back when it still had been whole. Both sisters had loved the pendant, so when she died it had been their grandmother’s least will that it should be split in half and one piece should always remain with each sister. Back then Isobel and Muriel had always worn their necklaces, for them it was the symbol of their deep bond and sisterhood.  
However, when Isobel died her necklace had been lost, so Muriel had stopped wearing hers. ‘Perhaps I should resume doing so’ she thought ‘after all it is one of the last things I have from her.’

Again it was the chiming of the door that dragged her out of her musing; she tucked the pendant into the pocket of her uniform trousers. “Come in” she said, still facing the window wondering who might want to bother her now.  
The door slid open and shut again, “Lieutenant Cortess” sounded an all too familiar male voice behind her. Rage boiled up inside her almost immediately, he truly had the guts to come here. “Lieutenant Cortess?” Muriel asked innocently still not turning around. “Is that what you called her? Or were you two passed that?"

Gabriel was hit hard by her words, but he was determined to not let it show, he allowed himself to take a closer look at her, she still wore her uniform trousers but had gotten rid of the jacket only wearing a black tank top, her long black hair was tucked in a lose pony tail.  
“I don’t understand Lieutenant I came to apologise for Commander Landry’s actions and...” but Muriel interrupted him well aware of the fact that nobody could hear their conversation.  
“Was she not acting on your orders Captain” she said so sweetly that it left no mistake that it was a mockery.  
“No she did not” Gabriel said trying to sound as neutral as possible “she clearly overstepped her authority.”  
“Well I see nothing has changed after all” Muriel continued “you still cannot keep your crew in line; I really wonder why my sister held you in such high regards. On the other hand she must have been blinded by her feelings”  
He could almost feel the venom in her words, but he knew he had to remain calm to keep the situation from escalating; she was clearly trying to provoke him.  
“I don’t understand what you are referring to Lieutenant” he tried again to reason with her but she just snapped around furiously.  
“Do not take me for a fool!” She was almost yelling now “she was my twin sister, we were closer than _anything_ in this universe, do you really think she would have kept such a thing from me? I know perfectly well what you two were to each other!”

‘She knew’ Gabriel realised; Isobel had told her that she and Gabriel had been in love. “Muriel I assure you what...” he tried again hoping she would react calmer if he used her name instead of her rank, too late he realised it was a mistake when she cut him off once again.  
“Save that heart wrecking story for someone who would believe it and do not talk to me as if you are a member of my family because you are not” she hissed not calm at all.  
‘This is not going as planed’ he realised knowing he must put an end to this before it was going to escalate any further. But it already did.

“What kind of a coward are you” she accused him knowing fully well that her next words could damage her career forever, she simply could not bring herself to care “sending women ahead seemed to become a habit of yours, no matter the consequences, I can’t believe you’re still a captain!” 

Her words had not missed their target, and they hurt Gabriel more than he could say. Hearing them coming from her was almost unbearable. She who looked almost exactly like his beloved Isobel and who spoke with a voice almost identical to hers. But that was the key word, almost, that meant not exactly after all. He focused on her eyes those blue grey wolf eyes of hers who reminded him that it was not Isobel he was talking to.  
But looking at them now made him realise something else. Her eyes were not blue grey anymore like he had last seen them but had changed into a cold ice blue. He remembered, Isobel once told him that her sister was born with a rear mutation, her eyes would change the colour all ranges of blue into completely grey depending on her mood, while this blue grey he had seen first was their natural colour. ‘Apparently they become ice blue when she is angry’ he thought trying to get a grip of the situation again.  
It was true, her words had hurt him more than he cared to admit, but he also knew that she had a reason for it. ‘She blames me for Isobel’s death and will probably always do so, for her I am the impersonation of her pain’ he thought. He could understand why she was acting like this, but this was not about him and her, he was the Captain of this ship and he had to take care of its entire crew, he could not allow one member to go on a rampage. He was her superior officer and he needed to remind her of that quickly. ‘I don’t have the luxury to have regard for her feelings.’

“You seem to forget that you’re addressing your Captain” he said his voice full of authority.  
That took the woman in front of him by surprise, “I...” she tried to say the defiance not entirely gone from her voice.  
However, this time it was Gabriel who cut her off. “Hold your tongue Lieutenant Cortess you have said enough” he continued in his commanding voice. “I don’t care about your personal opinion of me; neither will anything what you have said to me in private affect you. But, if you ever pull such a stunt in public or defy me in front of my crew you will face the consequences, do you understand?” Muriel was speechless; this was the last she had expected so she totally failed to answer his question.  
Gabriel who was waiting for an answer became impatient, _“Do you understand Lieutenant”_ he said with a special emphasis to each word.

“Yes Captain” she said through gritted teeth.

“Good” Gabriel said while taking his leave.


End file.
